my grandfather : a hero i never knew

When I was with the Singapore 1st Guards Battalion (1GDS), sometime in early 1995. Our training brought us close to the [ Kranji War Memorial ]. My Officer Commanding, Captain Tay thought it would be a good idea to stop by for a visit and we did. I remember seeking out my granddad's name etched in the white marble there. I found his name and sat down and thought about what little I knew of him.

Granddad was a Volunteer in the Singapore Volunteer Corps during the Japanese Occupation. I am told that he went out one day when my mum was 6 years old and never came home. I don't know much about my grandfather. I only know that his picture hangs above my grandma's bed and that after the war, King Edward of England posthumously awarded him a medal. I thought about the man that I never got to know, the man my mother never got to know. I found myself wondering about grandma, about how she felt, when he did not come back. I wonder how she raised 5 children all by herself. Then I admire her for her strength and her courage in those times. The war must have been hard. Like most survivors of the war, my grandmother doesn't want to talk about it. She says she can't remember even though the Japanese Occupation was a significant feature in her life. How different would it have been should he have come home?

My uncle tells me, that there was once when my mum was still a little baby, the air-raid sirens went off. He tells me that he remembers mum crying, and that someone grabbed my mum and threw her out of the air raid shelter. The people were terrified that the Japanese bombers would hear the baby's cries and drop their bombs on their position. My mum says granny was probably so terrified herself that she did not go out to grab mum. Instead, my uncle ran out and grabbed her. He thinks he was 10 years old.

So there I was at the war memorial and as I removed my helmet and placed my rifle by my side, I found myself in an ironical situation. There I was, a soldier - an instrument of war, sitting in a memorial dedicated to peace. It occurred to me then that many of these men never had the chance to fight for their homes, their families or their friends. Instead these people were slaughtered by the dozens and dumped into mass graves or thrown into the sea. It seemed unfair to me, what honour is there in murdering the innocent? To take away the loved ones of others for torture, rape and murder - that was the Japanese Occupation.

As I slung my rifle and prepared to move out, looking about the manicured lawns of the memorial, I saw rows upon rows of white tombstones glared back at me like the teeth of some massive green skull. Some tombstones had the soldiers' name while most memorials to the Unknown Soldier. As the sun set and twilight came about, the white gravestones seemed to glow by their own power; it felt as if the soldiers' spirits were restless. I felt proud to be a soldier, proud that my grandfather fulfilled his duty. I told myself that if I ever should be called to arms to fulfil my duty, I'll be ready.

Jooles 16 Apr 1998

An Update

In the Summer of 1998, I decided to take a vacation away University in Calgary and head home. This time I told myself that I would go visit my grandpa.

I remember the day as being a sultry afternoon, I believe it was a Saturday, the day started out quite cloudy and it by the time we got to the Memorial it was already mid-afternoon. The last time I had been here was sometime in early 1995 (with Bravo Company, 1GDS), and I had forgotten where I had seen my grand dad's name. The obvious thing to do was to look up the directory of names.

This directory of names sat in a little pedestal in the middle of the great memorial and it wasn't long before I found my grand dad's name - along with that of my grandmother. It had his name and it mentioned that he left behind his wife and 5 children. For the last 57 years, the British government has "provided" for my grandmother. Nowadays, it's simple a token sum.

So after finding his name, I set about scouring the grounds for a tomb with his name. It seemed clear to me that if they knew his name, they might have a tombstone. But reality set it and I realised that it might be possible that they knew who went missing but they might not have a tomb with his name on it.

Something in the back of my mind told me that his name was around somewhere and I just HAD to see it. By this time the sky was starting to turn dark, and the clouds were gathering. With the sun about to set, and the ominous looking clouds hovering above, my friend was eager to leave...but I insisted on staying.

My patience paid off....I found his name on the Chinese memorial. It was a little memorial...a simple block of marble. It was puny compared to the rest of the Memorial, but I had to remember that it was Singapore's colonial masters (the brits) that built the thing. The fact that they DID recognise these chinese soldiers must have been exremely hurtful to their pride.Just as I found it, it began to rain cats and dogs.

It felt as if the heavens were glad for me, and at the same time it cried the tears that I could not. I silently said hello to the grand father I had never known. I told him who I was and that I respected him and what he did. I told him, that I'd never forget and I'd return. With those last silent words, I felt a great sorrow lift from my heart, and a renewed sense of honour and duty filled me. I carry my grandfather's memory with me today, even though I never knew the man, I know of his deeds.

Jooles 12 Feb 2002

another update

Went back home for the first time in two and a half years. This time I told myself that I'd spend more time with my mum and dad. I intially wanted to bring my grand mother and mum to the Memorial but mum says that granny is too old and prolly doesn't want to be reminded right now. So we drove to Kranji and because there was so much change in the area I didn't recognise the turn off. In fact if you look at the pictures that I took on the main page you'll see that the stone with my grandfather's name looks different. The picture i took had the stone with NO bushes in the background. On my previous update I took a picture off the 'net of the same stone and that had bushes immediately behind the stone. :P This time I went I found out that my mum hadn't been there in ages. It was rather touching to see my mum look around eagerly for her father's name. She doesn't remember him at all.

What was interesting for me was the ride to the memorial. In the car, as I was driving there I was talking to my mum about her past and how she was like as a little girl and a young lady. It was altogether an extremely interesting day for me. Hopefully I'll remember enough of it to write it down in a family journal kind of thing.

[ close ]